here comes the train of lonely thoughts. the days of me wanting to kill myself are back again. i will literally never be good enough to anyone. 

anxiety is being so afraid to ask people where a drinking fountain is and literally crying in the bathroom because you feel so alone. You feel so miserable and out of tune with the world that it’s all your fault. A water fountain really? Something so basic and necessary to our survival and yet here I am having a mental break down wishing I wasn’t alive because I can’t find something that should be readily available. Why would my body fear something like this all of the sudden? Why can’t there be a map with all the water fountains available? No I do not want to wait ten minutes and waste a cup of water at Starbucks. I want to refill my own tumbler. I want to be able to feel safe enough to get water rather than feel judged for walking back and forth not knowing where I’m going. 

Going back to school has been the biggest mental game of my life. This has been the hardest transition hands down.